


To Be Really Dead, That Must Be Glorious

by our_black_heart



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 14:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7176026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_black_heart/pseuds/our_black_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is insecure, Steve is dumb, Peggy is a force of nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Really Dead, That Must Be Glorious

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a quote from Dracula. I am quite the classic horror movie nerd, and this particular rendition of Dracula came out 8 years before World War II. Just to give a little historical insight, WWII started in September of 1939 and lasted through September of 1945. This Dracula movie came out in 1931, so my thoughts are that Steve and Bucky must have seen it at some point probably. Hopefully haha. Also, after WWII GI's were offered housing in the suburbs for really cheap called tract houses. They were these cute little suburban houses, equipped with appliances and telephones and lawns and all that white heteronormative stuff. Unfortunately soldiers of color were not offered any of these houses and in fact The Federal Housing Administration which came about in 1934, before the war even began, allowed there to be clauses in housing contracts banning any people of color from moving into these suburban neighborhoods for the sake of racial and economic homogeneity. My guess is that if Steve had never plunged himself into the ice, he would have had the opportunity to purchase one if he had ever wanted to settle down. That was the "American Dream". Anyways, it's 1:13AM and I have strep throat, so I really should be resting instead of regurgitating everything I learned in my Architecture: Urban Studies class this last quarter. Hope you like it. :3

When Bucky was rescued by the likes of a big, more stupid version of the once tiny man he loved, he promised himself that he’d never leave the guy’s side again. Every time he left Steve Rogers alone for longer than a few days, the kid got up to doing something really dumb and this time was no exception. Albeit, Steve was healthy now. He was really healthy and Bucky could thank all the deities he knew for that, because as dumb as Steve Rogers really was at least he could finally breathe. That was the most important thing and Bucky could finally count all his blessings. 

He considered telling Steve about his feelings a number of times after he’d been rescued and yet every time he tried something got in the way, whether it was warfare or soldiers fighting alongside of them wanting to speak to their captain, it was just never a good time. Until Steve and Bucky got to talking at a bar back in New York. The Comandos were shouting up a storm, prepping themselves emotionally and mentally to fight another battle, follow Captain America into Hydra territory. Steve sat himself down next to Bucky, the bar stool squeaking from the 200 lbs of pressure it was suddenly under. Bucky had taken a seat next to the bar to separate himself from the commotion that the soldiers were making, he just needed some time to breathe, to think and feel. And with Steve sitting next to him the room seemed so much smaller, but that had always been the case. Steve had the ability to make Bucky feel smaller than him, because he was always so big in personality and heart and righteousness. And Bucky was just Bucky, no matter how often Steve tried to convince him that he was so much more than any man he’s ever known. 

“You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

“Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight…I’m following him.” 

He suddenly, overwhelmingly feels like he’s said too much. Like his stupid, unconditional, desperate love is showing and it’s too much weight for him to carry. So he eases the tension the only way he ever knows how. Humorous flirting. 

“You’re keeping the outfit, right?” 

Steve throws him a cocky glance, he’s trying really hard not to blush but that’s not really something people could control. A subtle pinkness arises under his neck and it perks up at the tips of his ears. Bucky thinks he looks so pretty like that, he tells him as much, but Steve doesn’t know if this is just Bucky being charming or Bucky being real. 

“You know I love you right? That when I saw your eyes while I was strapped to that table, thinking I was going to die, I thought I was hallucinating because it was perfect? The perfect way to die, the last thing I would see is those eyes. And I thought I was dead, I was happy that I was dead, Steve.” His voice shakes, a sob tries to fight its way out, but Bucky has things to say and he needs to say them now before it’s too late. “I was happy, Steve. More than I’ve ever been.”

Steve stares at him quietly, processing. Bucky could practically see Steve’s brain overheating with all the contemplation he was doing. The seconds passing felt like minutes, hours, whole days with how hot and how heavy the moment was. Then Steve smiled, that soft smile he usually had on mornings when Bucky had a day off. And suddenly Bucky realizes that Steve has loved him all along too, it all makes sense. The way that Steve was constantly drawing him, the way that Steve looked at him when Bucky stayed home from work to take care of him while he was sick, the way that Steve would work extra shifts around Bucky’s birthday to get him a small gift. It all just clicked. They were so stupid before and maybe still too young, they were so hesitant and fragile with their hearts and Steve was never ready, Bucky thought. Although, Steve thought that Bucky was never ready either. Now though, Steve reaches under the bar table, he grabs hold of Bucky’s hand and their palms are clammy as they intertwine fingers. They’re clumsy about it and also as discrete as they can be, because they’d be in a lot of trouble if anyone saw. Steve rubs Bucky’s hand with his thumb, loving and soft and it felt as if they’d been doing just this their entire lives and maybe they have in another life or world. 

“Are you sure about this, Buck? You really want to go back out there again?”

“Listen punk, if you’re going back out there, I’m going back out there.”

“You wanna get out of here, Buck? I think it’s getting a little crowded.”

“Yeah, Stevie. I really do.” 

And that’s when she walks in. She’s all red silk, brown shiny locks, beautiful curves and soft skin. The entire bar has gone silent, even the Comandos aren’t making any noise anymore. All eyes are drawn to the center of the room, the exact spot in which she is standing. The universe seems to be waiting for her to make some sort of move and Bucky can’t blame it because she is an otherworldly vision. She is glowing, an aura of pure light and dreams and desire surrounds her and if she had as much softness in her personality as she did on her skin, she’d be picking up all the jaws she left hanging. She’s all tough love though, Bucky can tell as soon as she opens her mouth. She knows her power, she knows that the entire room is waiting on her every move, at the edge of their seats, brows sweating, hearts beating hard, blood pumping fast with both fear and admiration. 

She’s talking to Steve and Bucky can’t hear a thing. He can hear a distant beeping noise that he assumes is happening because he is not worthy of this conversation, of her voice or words mixed with that of Steve’s. It has to be some rule against nature to have such large forces clashing against each other, Steve is wind and she is fire. That must be why she is more so radiant by the second, the more she is in Steve’s presence the brighter her flames. Bucky cannot even comprehend what is going on, what they’re saying. He catches a few phrases here and there and tries to be funny and flirty, like he always is, but that is to no avail. He is an innocent bystander caught in a storm, not able to control it or maneuver himself around it. 

When she leaves and the entire bar goes back to normal, loud and rude and crude. He looks over at Steve. He sees a fondness in his eyes that he has only really seen on Steve when he is looking at Bucky. And that sets off red flags in Bucky’s head because this is Steve’s chance at heteronormativity. The American dream, a gorgeous, intelligent wife, maybe some kids and a beautiful suburban home. He may be able to afford one as soon as the war is over and Steve is just so beautiful, he’d be able to fill that home up with a bunch of kids in no time. He tears up at the thought, Steve would be so happy. He wants that for Steve. 

But then Steve is nudging Bucky’s arm with his own. He’s reaching around him to grab their coats and he’s got that same damn smile on his face that he’s always had and it’s so dumb. Bucky knows Steve would never do what’s best for him, only what he wants and that is so dumb of Steve. They head out and it’s chilly. Steve keeps swaying his body sideways, bumping into Bucky ever so often and as soon as they get home Bucky hugs Steve. He wraps his arms around Steve’s tiny waist and he buries his head in the crook of Steve’s neck. Steve smells like their bar of soap and their apartment. He doesn’t know how much longer he has until Steve realizes that there are better options out there for him than Bucky, so he wants to relish in the now. He wants to love Steve as much as Steve will allow him too, for however long Steve will allow him too. 

“I love you, Bucky.”

“I love you, Steve. I mean it.”

Bucky is so small compared to Steve now. He’s got these big, broad shoulders that extend way further than Bucky’s own and this big, puffy chest. He’s got these muscular thighs and large hands, he’s taller than Bucky and he’s finally as big as Bucky has always felt he was. 

“I’m so happy you’re okay. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m just so happy, Buck.”

“Steve…you’re so dumb.”

“It’s cause I’ve got you back, jerk.”

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if you like this, I appreciate it. thank you for reading. :)


End file.
